Mannerly Mondays: Male Etiquette for dating in the 19th Century

In the 19th century dating, the custom was to be very formal when pursuing a young lady.  It was the males’ role to court the female; a lady would never go out of her way to call on a man.  Before the courting could commence, it was important to seek approval from her father first. After approval was granted it was normal for the young man to come over to a young lady’s house and stay for lunch or dinner, play badminton, drink tea, and go on carriage rides. The rules of propriety and good conduct forbade women visiting suitors in their homes, although the rules were not so strict as to prevent her from visiting male relatives unattended. 

A woman with wealth and a high education, however, could get away with being single for an extended amount of time but eventually married another rich man to start a family with.  

One thing I wish we continued in the 21st century was writing letters especially love letters. Writing letters was a crucial step to courting a lady in the 19th century; her love could be kindled with a well-written love letter. Along with love letters, when a man was ready to propose it was done through a letter. This struck me with surprise because in this day and age we always talk about how the man sets up a beautiful evening to pop the question. A letter to me completely dries up any romance of a proposal of marriage. But I guess you can’t have your cake and eat it, so having both love letters and a perfect night for a proposal would be a little too rich.   

So as you go through your dating years remember, a love letter can light the tiniest of flames and might grow into the strongest fire.